Embrace the Imperfections

As much as I love to travel, meet new people and do new things, I seem to always have a gut wrenching feeling that holds me back internally. And, it is something that I've done to myself. 

I've been living with this for years on end. It's called body dysmorphia. It's crazy to actually type that out and see the words on a screen. I've never had enough courage to do so till now, and I don't think it could have done it at any better time.

I have so much respect and admiration for those who are comfortable and confident in their own skin. The ones that live their life free of concern. 

Or, maybe they just don't show their insecurities, because that's me. I constantly yearn to be better than I am, grow into a more confident person and not feel remorse about choices I make.

In Florida, where I'm from, everyone lives in their swimsuit. Constant 90 degree temperatures, shimmering crystal-clear water you can see your toes through, skies so clear and blue you can't tell where the ocean ends and the sky begins, and the shinning sun putting you in a dreamy summer haze. What more could you possibly ask for? It feels, sounds, and smells like paradise, and it is. 

But, in all honesty, as much as I love where I'm from, I sometimes despite it too because it forces me to face my fears. I've never been clinically diagnosed with body dysmorphia but I know what it is and I've fallen a victim to it.

Body dysmorphia is simply when you become so fixated on a part of your body that is either minor or imagined, but to you, you see it completely different. It a scary feeling- I find myself thinking irrationally, like, I have to work out extra because I took a bite of a cookie, or comparing myself to others whose body frame doesn't even resemble my own, or simply not feeling up for anything because I'm not happy about myself and the way I look.

Now, I don't feel like this all the time. Sometimes I'm really happy with the way I look, and feel extremely confident and my inner Beyoncé comes out. And those are the best moments. 

But, I've been an athlete for years; I don't have the same body frame as other girl do and that's okay (well now it is at least). I've taken steps toward fixing these thoughts by finding a "lifestyle" diet that best suites me, upping my gym regimen and writing notes on my mirror reminding me that I am beautiful and strong.

No one is perfect and that’s okay. Perfection sucks and gives you nothing to work toward. So, be happy and embrace all the flaws you have because that’s what makes us who we are.